


Invisible and Weightless

by hereforwords



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Alternating, POV Uchiha Sasuke, POV Uzumaki Naruto, Panic Attacks, cause Sasuke can never catch a break, sasuke’s loud issues with itachi, these two being the emotional equivalent of clowns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24393472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hereforwords/pseuds/hereforwords
Summary: "So are you taking me back then?" Sasuke asked, voice low and expressionless. He didn't sound like he cared either way what the answer would be."Yeah," Naruto managed to get out, "We're going home."
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 15
Kudos: 298





	Invisible and Weightless

It took a moment for Naruto to take in what he was seeing through all the smoke still clinging to the air, but the moment he did Naruto was moving even faster than he'd been before, clearing almost the entire crater in one jump. Naruto wasn't sure if he screamed out a name or not, his throat already raw and nerves worn down to the bone, but it didn't matter once he stopped. Nothing could matter now that he'd finally found him.

"Sasuke." Naruto fell down to his knees, giving Itachi's lifeless body a quick glance before looking back at the close to unreal sight before him. "Sasuke."

He was just as unmoving as his brother, and even without medical training Naruto could tell just how hurt he was. Panic gripped him just as Sakura dropped down on Sasuke's other side, and Naruto watched her reach out with glowing hands like he was somewhere far away. The others fell in around them but Naruto couldn't see them, could hardly even hear a thing they were saying. 

It was Sasuke, it was finally truly him. For once they hadn't been too late. Naruto couldn't let this become another moment that only slipped through his fingers, forced to watch Sasuke leave again with no strength left inside himself to find.

For once it looked like Sasuke had lost all of his strength first.

Naruto pulled his eyes away from the wounds littering Sasuke's body and looked at his face, more relaxed than Naruto could remember seeing it since childhood. It almost looked like he was asleep. He almost looked peaceful. It only made it that much harder to believe he was actually there, close enough for Naruto to reach out and touch. It felt like testing fate to let himself believe that Sasuke was really there at all.

"Naruto!" 

"What?" Naruto asked just as he realized close to everyone was looking at him now, all in such a specific way that he couldn't begin to understand.

"We have to go, the Akatsuki could get here any moment."

"Sasuke is as stable as I can make him for now," Sakura said as she pushed herself up. "But we still need to be careful, maybe two of us should–"

"I've got him," Naruto said as he leaned forward, pulling Sasuke up against his chest with one arm as he tucked his other under Sasuke's bent legs. Naruto braced himself but found there was no need, that it hardly took any strength at all for him to hold Sasuke like this. His breath was soft and uneven against Naruto's neck and Naruto just tightened his grip, holding Sasuke to him as hard as he dared without risk of hurting him. 

He'd never imagined Sasuke could feel this weak, this light and vulnerable in his arms. Naruto had to push aside the irrational thought of just running away, from his team and the village and everything, until they were the only two people left, until there was finally no one trying to pull them down or tear them away from each other. It was as selfish a thought as Naruto could allow himself to have. The idea of a world with just the two of them almost made him want to cry, throat suddenly burning for reasons he couldn't understand.

Sasuke was still breathing so softly against his neck, like a ghost still desperately trying to cling to life in his arms.

"Naruto, are you sure you–"

"I got him!" Naruto wasn't even sure who asked but he couldn't care, already braced to start running. They didn't have time to wait. He wouldn't let Sasuke get taken again, or let him wake up and decide he still wasn't ready to come back. Naruto refused to go home without him again. He wouldn't let them both be alone anymore.

"Let's go," Kakashi called out from behind him and then they were all off. 

Sasuke made a low noise that Naruto could hardly hear but it only pushed him to go faster, to kick off of each step harder. They weren't in the clear yet, not even close. They didn't have time to fight when Sasuke was this badly off, they couldn't risk it. Naruto couldn't risk it. He didn't know what he would do if something happened to Sasuke now, but he knew it wouldn't be something he could handle. If anything happened now Naruto knew himself well enough to know he would forget about everything else but getting Sasuke back.

"It's gonna be okay Sasuke," Naruto whispered, not able to care if the others could hear him or not. "Everything is gonna be fine now."

Naruto wasn't sure how long they ran before someone called out for him to stop. "What?"

"We need to camp for the night," Kakashi said.

"But we're almost back, we should keep going and–"

"Naruto," Kakashi cut in, his voice strained, "Everyone is exhausted, we need to rest."

Opening his mouth to argue Naruto took in the expression on everyone else's faces, their breathing rough and their eyes heavy. But it still didn't feel like that should have mattered. The enemy could catch up to them at any time. They could come for Sasuke again at any moment. "It's not safe, we need to get Sasuke back to the village."

Once they got back everything would be fine. Once they got back Naruto would be able to take a breath without panic coming in right after, the inescapable thought that this would be the last one he would take before they found them, the last one he would take before Sasuke woke up and tired to leave again, that this would be the last one–

"This isn't up for debate Naruto. We're making camp."

Sasuke shifted against him and whatever argument was left inside of him died. Naruto could only see the top of Sasuke's head with how he was holding him, but he could see that his eyebrows were pulled together now, like even in sleep Sasuke didn't know how to relax anymore. Naruto looked around and found Sakura was already laying down a mat for Sasuke, motioning them over. 

It took Naruto a moment to remember how to actually let Sasuke go, something inside of him screaming to pick Sasuke back up the moment he laid him down and run until they reached the village. Instead he just sat down too close and watched Sakura heal him. The furrow between Sasuke's brow slowly fell away, until his expression was slack with sleep again. Naruto took what felt like his first breath in days that didn't feel like it was clawing its way out of him, but his nerves still refused to leave him.

"This is as much as I can do here," Sakura said quietly, "Once we're back to the village and can get him to the hospital it'll be okay."

_ Will it be okay? _ Naruto wanted to ask,  _ will it really?  _ But of course he couldn't. The last person who needed to hear his doubts now was Sakura. 

"Thanks."

She gave him a small smile that didn't reach her eyes. Naruto watched her look at Sasuke for a moment more before looking away, face closing off too quickly for him to make sense of her expression. She got up and started making her spot for the night just as the rest of the team was, but Naruto couldn't bring himself to move. He just sat in the dirt looking at Sasuke, waiting for the moment to seem real, for it to actually feel like Sasuke was there. 

Naruto reached out and touched Sasuke's arm, just to make sure that he could, that all of this wasn't another dream he would have to wake up from, covered in sweat and hollowed out inside. But Sasuke was really there, warm and solid beneath his hand. He was really there.

"I can take first watch," Kiba said from somewhere behind him.

"I got it," Naruto said, still unable to look away from Sasuke. Kakashi came and stood next to him, his feet in the corner of Naruto's sight. Naruto braced himself and couldn't think about why.

"Naruto, you can't–"

"Let me do this." Naruto finally pulled his eyes away and looked up at Kakashi. "I won't be able to sleep now away. I need to do this."

Kakashi looked like he might say more but he just shrugged before looking down at Sasuke for a moment, eye narrowing before he turned and walked away. Glancing around Naruto saw everyone was close to settled now and stood up, making a few shadow clones to take watch before sitting back down, watching the rise and fall of Sasuke's chest. It was probably too cold for him to be laying out in just a half torn off shirt. Naruto hesitated for half a moment before unzipping his jacket, pulling it off and laying it over Sasuke as gently as he knew how.

Slowly everyone's breathing around them leveled out, until Naruto knew he was the only one awake. Even the forest seemed more quiet than usual, no wind or rain to echo out around them. All Naruto could hear was the quiet sound of Sasuke's breathing, slow and even and undeniably real.

Naruto couldn't help but wonder now that it was just them what would happen when Sasuke woke up, if he would try to fight even now that he'd finally done what he'd set out to. Naruto didn't want to fight him again, but he knew he would if he had to. The one thing he knew for certain was that he couldn't let Sasuke get away again, regardless of what he had to do to make him stay. Some part of him still couldn't believe that he was really looking at Sasuke at all, something inside of him screaming out that Sasuke would disappear the moment he stopped, vanish between one blink and the next and leave them both alone again.

But Sasuke didn't disappear, he just kept sleeping. Naruto blinked away the burning in his eyes again, wondering if there was any hope in trying to untangle the mass of emotion sitting against his chest. 

This was the longest they'd been together since Sasuke left. This was the most real Sasuke had felt to him in years, not a spot he had to keep running towards on the horizon, not a phantom in his dreams that disappeared the moment he reached it each night. Naruto didn't have to run at all to catch him now, Sasuke was right there, asleep just beside him. He was right there.

Sasuke made a low noise and Naruto tore his eyes back up to his face, watching without breathing as his eyes slowly pulled open. 

For a moment Sasuke did nothing, just blinked up at the sky without reacting at all even though Naruto knew he must have sensed him there, sensed all of them. Then Sasuke looked over, something on his face shifting so slightly Naruto wasn't sure if it was imagined or not. 

"So it's you then," Sasuke said quietly, his face blank. 

Even though Naruto had thought of close to nothing else for years now that the moment was here no words would come, like they had all shriveled up inside of him now that Sasuke was actually looking at him again. Naruto didn't want to brace himself for a fight but as much as he hated it, he knew it wasn't that unlikely. Sasuke had always picked a fight when given the option, especially when it came to the two of them. It couldn't matter to him that Sasuke already looked defeated, beaten and small laid out on the ground beneath his jacket.

"Is he really–" Sasuke started before his voice fell off, turning to look back up at the sky with a pinched expression on his face that fell away to blankness soon after.

"Yeah," Naruto said, what felt like the first word he'd said in years, "Itachi's dead. He was there when we found you."

Sasuke swallowed and closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths before opening them again. His face looked different when he looked at him again, but Naruto couldn't begin to place how. Maybe his shoulders weren't held quite so stiffly, maybe his eyes were just a fraction wider, maybe his mouth wasn't in such a harsh line as before, and maybe nothing was different at all. It didn't matter either way, Naruto knew he had no hope of ever looking away again. 

All he wanted to do was reach out, but his hands stayed stubbornly by his sides, palms itching and empty.

"So are you taking me back then?" Sasuke asked, voice low and expressionless. He didn't sound like he cared either way what the answer would be. 

"Yeah," Naruto managed to get out, "We're going home."

Sasuke's head tilted to the side, looking at Naruto from beneath his dark eyelashes for a long moment. When he spoke there was something in his words this time, an ache spreading out beneath Naruto's ribs with each one. "I guess we both got what we wanted then."

Naruto opened his mouth but realized he truly had no idea what to say. Sasuke's eyes slid shut again after a moment, his breath slowly evening out though he looked no closer to relaxed. In a few minutes Naruto could tell that he was asleep again, exhaustion pulling him back under. Sighing Naruto brought a hand up to rub across his face, tired in a way he so rarely was but completely awake at the same time. He didn't know how to feel about Sasuke's lack of reaction, but at least he hadn't immediately lept up to try and fight him again.

A few small words between them and already the idea of actually having to hurt Sasuke again to make him stay felt near impossible. Hadn't he hurt enough already? Couldn't they finally just be done? A quiet part of his mind insisted that bringing him back to the village would only cause Sasuke more pain, but Naruto was too lost and tired to know what else to do. It was both of their homes, and it had hurt them both time and time again, but there was nowhere else that they could go.

When it came time to switch watch Naruto didn't bother waking the next person up, knowing it would be pointless to try and sleep now. He just sat there all night, looking at Sasuke asleep beneath his dirty orange jacket until his eyes burned, trying to find the answer to a question he didn't know how to ask.

****

_ I'm sorry little brother _

_ This is the last time _

  
  


Slowly Sasuke pulled his eyes open, both surprised and not surprised at all to see the ceiling of Kanoha's hospital looking back at him. Apparently he'd slept for the rest of the trip back. He felt like he could have slept for another week if he tried. Sasuke couldn't remember a time he'd felt this kind of bone deep exhaustion, like there was no hope of him ever feeling another way again. Turning his head Sasuke saw Sakura in a chair beside his bed, looking down at a chart in her hands. When she looked up and found him watching her she gave a full body jolt.

"Sasuke," she said with a start, "You're awake."

Sasuke looked at her for a moment more before looking back at the ceiling. He had no desire to talk to her, but even just telling her to go away felt like too much effort. Even just laying here blinking at the ceiling felt like too much effort. Everything felt like too much.

_ I'm sorry little brother _

"You've been unconscious for almost a week, your chakra was completely depleted when we found you." Sakura paused like she was waiting for some kind of response. "We're back in Konoha now."

Sasuke would have rolled his eyes if he had the energy. Instead he just kept looking at the ceiling, waiting for something he couldn't seem to recall. He couldn't remember a time his chest had felt so heavy.

"Sasuke, can you hear me?" Sakura asked after a moment, the concern in her voice obvious. 

Sasuke did nothing, only remembering to blink when his eyes began to burn. Maybe this moment could have almost felt peaceful if she would have just stopped talking. Maybe this moment wouldn't have felt so crushing if he had ever figured out how to be anyone else but himself. 

"Sasuke?" Sakura's hand came into his vision then, right next to his forehead.

_ Little brother _

Sasuke hit her hand away as he pushed himself up and back against the wall behind his bed, out of breath and glaring. "Don't touch me," he managed to force out, his voice hardly his own it was so raw. 

"I just–" Sakura began before her voice fell away, her expression close to wounded even though she had no right to the feeling. 

They'd never been close, regardless of what she had always seemed to tell herself. Sasuke never would have let her touch him before. Distantly he knew that was a lie, but even the truth felt like a lie now, and the panic beating against his chest wouldn't let him think about anything else. All of it was wrong. Nothing was supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to feel like this, not now, not still.

_ I'm sorry little brother  _

_ This is the last time _

Sasuke tried to get his breathing back under control but his body refused to listen to him, each one coming faster and faster until it felt like he couldn't breathe at all, dots dancing across his vision. All he could hear was the sound of his own blood beating against his skull, pounding against his disgusting eyes. He just wanted it to stop. He just wanted to finally stop feeling this way.

_ I'm sorry little brother  _

_ I'm sorry little brother _

_ I'm sorry _

Distantly he heard Sakura say his name but he jerked away the first moment he felt someone touch him, suddenly lost in the dark with only the sound of his desperate attempts to breathe for company. Other hands grabbed him then, other presences in the room that he tried to fight off but couldn't seem to remember how. It felt like all the strength in his body had left him, like even taking a breath was impossible now, another fantasy he'd deluded himself into believing he could have. He couldn't breathe or see or hear, lost in panic that he couldn't seem to escape from, the same place he'd been for years.

Maybe it had really changed nothing. Maybe he'd killed the last part of himself for no reason at all.

_ I'm sorry little brother  _

"Sasuke," a voice cut through suddenly, a voice that felt vaguely familiar, a voice that refused to ever leave him alone. "Sasuke just breathe, you're okay."

Even knowing he couldn't Sasuke tired again, finding himself taking a shuddering breath that burned all over. When the voice told him to breathe again he did, and again and again and again until Sasuke remembered how to do it on his own. Distantly he realized that he was on the floor now, and that there were hands holding each side of his face, warm strong callused hands. He turned into the feeling before he could think about why it wasn't something he could let himself do.

Sasuke pulled open his eyes and saw Naruto looking back down at him, his blue eyes wide and damp. 

"You okay?" Naruto asked quietly, still not pulling away, still just holding onto him. 

Sasuke couldn't remember the last time someone had asked him if he was okay and meant it. Then he remembered and it only made everything that much worse. Feeling his eyes begin to burn again Sasuke pulled them closed, distantly aware of how he was still shaking, painfully aware of the way Naruto still held onto him.

"Hey," Naruto said quietly again, one of his hands moving back behind Sasuke's head and the other to his back, pulling him up and off the floor until he was pressed against Naruto's chest, head resting along his shoulder. "You're okay."

Sasuke wanted to argue but it was all he could do to keep breathing, heart still slamming against his chest. He let himself forget for a moment and wrapped his arms around Naruto's back, clinging to him as tightly as he was clinging to the sound of his voice, seemingly the only thing keeping him from falling away into the dark again. Sasuke couldn't say how long they sat tangled up together on the ground, only able to bring himself to pull back when each breath no longer felt like knives in his chest. Distantly he remembered that Sakura had been there, but when he looked around the room Sasuke saw that they were alone, only the side of the guards shoes visible from where they stood outside his door. When Sasuke looked back at Naruto his eyes were sad and tired, dark circles beneath them like he hadn't slept in days. 

With a grimace Sasuke pulled himself back, feeling Naruto's hands fall away from him until they weren't touching at all, just sitting next to each other on the floor beside his hospital bed, staring at each other. Sasuke couldn't seem to remember how to look away.

"You look like shit." Sasuke hadn't meant to speak at all, hardly even realizing he had until he watched Naruto snort, giving him a painful looking smile. 

"Yeah, you too."

Sasuke nodded, leaning over so he could rest against the side of his bed. His breathing finally felt like it was back to normal, like he didn't have to fight to make it happen. Naruto was still just sitting there with him on the floor, looking like he had nowhere else he needed to be. Sasuke hadn't felt like he would ever want to speak again just moments ago, but looking at Naruto now it felt like there was too much he wanted to say, words piling up inside of him too quickly to know where to begin, how to say a single one. It was never him that had to fill the silences between them before. 

With how much Naruto had always had to say Sasuke hadn't expected him to sit in silence now that he'd finally brought him back. 

"Do you want me to get a doctor?" Naruto finally asked. "Do you feel okay?"

"Don't." Sasuke shook his head and shut his eyes for a moment as another wave of exhaustion coming over him. The idea of having to talk to anyone besides Naruto made him want to go back to sleep and never wake up again.

"Alright."

Sasuke breathed for a moment more before pulling his eyes open again, finding Naruto still just watching him in silence. Sasuke couldn't remember a time he'd seen Naruto look so tired. He could remember all too easily the last time he'd seen Naruto look so worried, years ago and only a moment past. Sasuke suspected he would have felt guilty if he could still remember how.

"Are you gonna try and leave again?" 

Sasuke knew that was a question he should have asked himself before now but he hadn't. Even now it wasn't something he knew how to really think about. He had no desire to be here, but he had no real desire to be anywhere at all. He was done now, it was finally supposed to be over. Sasuke wasn't supposed to have to make decisions anymore, he was finally supposed to be able to rest. He just couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so tired.

Naruto looked tired, every ounce of exhausted worry painted across his face for Sasuke to see.

"No," Sasuke said, not even sure if the words were true or not. But then again maybe they were. Sasuke didn't want to return to his team, knowing there was nothing he needed them for now. It was done. It was over. It was all finally over.

Sasuke had actually killed him.

Naruto smiled at him then, the first one Sasuke had seen in years not strained and weighted down. Sasuke hadn't realized how tense Naruto had been until now. It almost felt like he was seeing him for the first time all over again.

"Okay," Naruto said simply. 

It wasn't, but hearing Naruto say it like that made Sasuke almost wanted to believe that it could be true. Between one breath and the next Sasuke remembered all too well what guilt felt like, and then it was like he'd never forgotten at all.

*

Naruto came to see him everyday. Sasuke couldn't say that he was surprised, but he couldn't react to it much more than that. It felt like he could hardly react to anything. Naruto told him what had become of his classmates and he didn't respond. Naruto told him about what he had for lunch and he told him he was disgusting. Naruto talked and talked and talked and didn't tell him much of anything at all. It was three days into his hospital stay before Sasuke thought of the first thing he actually wanted to say.

"What happened to Itachi's body?"

Naruto looked at him with his mouth opened and Sasuke realized he must have been talking. It was impossible not to zone him out with how much he did it. Sasuke didn't know how he'd managed to forget just how annoying Naruto could be.

"What?"

"His body," Sasuke bit out, "Did someone take it, or did you just leave it out there to rot?"

"I think so? I mean someone must have taken it, I know we said we would if it came to that."

"You didn't notice?" Sasuke snapped. "How could you just not notice a body with you?"

For the first time in so long Sasuke saw what could only be described as embarrassment come over Naruto's expression. "You were there, I was watching you."

Sasuke didn't know what he was supposed to say to that. The vague blurry memory of being held in Naruto's arms felt more impossible to ignore than usual, the quiet sound of his voice telling Sasuke that everything would be okay. Sasuke hated it more than he could say.

"What?" Naruto asked, but Sasuke just shook his head before looking away.

A hospital room wasn't the place he wanted to have this conversation. Sasuke wasn't even sure what this conversation would be, if there was even one to have that either of them would know how to start at this point. But he was just so tired and Naruto looked just the same, despite his constant efforts to appear otherwise. "Why?"

"Why what?" Naruto asked predictably.

"Why me?" The words felt harder than they should have been, and still nowhere close enough to what he needed them to be. "It's been years Naruto, why didn't you ever give up on finding me?"

Naruto looked the closest to uncomfortable Sasuke had ever seen him. He'd clearly expected the question just as much as Sasuke had expected to ask it, but it was impossible to ignore now, especially when there wasn't anything else for him to focus on. Everything else was done. Everything else was over. Since waking up Naruto was the only thing that seemed to make him feel anything at all, even if it was mostly awful.

"Why would I have given up? You're my friend, I made a promise to find you."

"So you're saying you would do it for anyone?" Sasuke asked, unable to hold the bitterness back from his voice, bitterness that he didn't even fully understand but refused to let him go. "If any of the people you love to tell me about each day left, you're saying you would stop everything to get them back?" 

Naruto looked away from him for what felt like the first time. "I would never want to give up on anyone."

Sasuke glared at the side of Naruto's face. He didn't even sound like he believed himself. "That's not an answer."

"What do you want me to say?" Naruto asked, looking at him again with something close to pleading in his eyes. "I don't know what I would do, okay? All I know is that I could never give up on you."

"Why?" Sasuke asked again, desperation coloring his voice now. 

"Because," Naruto said like that explained anything at all, visibly looking for words. "I just couldn't."

"But  _ why _ ?" Sasuke asked again, growing tired of asking but unable to leave it alone now that the question had finally been torn out of him. It shouldn't have been like pulling teeth to get an answer from Naruto, Sasuke thought this would be one of the few things he could give an easy answer to. But maybe he really had no idea either. Maybe the both of them were just fools. 

"You're important to me." Naruto looked close to pained he was so clearly uncomfortable, his voice hardly louder than the sound of his breath. "You're–I don't have a word for it. You were my first friend, I couldn't look away from what happened to you."

"But nothing happened to me," Sasuke forced out, that awful feeling pulling against his chest again.

Naruto tilted his head to the side, an expression so much older than Sasuke was used to seeing looking back at him. "I don't see it that way."

"Naruto you were there, you're the one who knows better than anyone what I–"

"I do know," Naruto cut in, "I know you, that's why I couldn't let it go, that's why I couldn't let–" Naruto broke off, shaking his head as he looked down at the floor for a moment. 

When Naruto looked up again Sasuke felt something close to run over, the emotion that was always there looking back at him from Naruto's eyes impossible to ignore now. Sasuke couldn't understand it. The answers he'd been pressing for so hard now felt like the last thing he wanted to hear, desperate for Naruto to just leave, to stop looking like he could see right through him. Sasuke couldn't understand it at all. 

"Okay," Sasuke said quietly, willing that to be the end of it. For a long moment after it was quiet, and Sasuke finally let himself breathe again. He wanted to tell Naruto to finally just leave him alone, but the words wouldn't come, his mouth held in a stiff line that refused to break. It felt like if he opened it to speak everything but what he wanted to say would come spilling out, exposing all the parts of himself that could never see the light of day again.

"Why haven't you tried to leave?"

Even knowing it was a mistake Sasuke met Naruto's eyes again, the closed off vulnerability looking back at him making his stomach clench uncomfortably. He wasn't sure what it said about him that he could basically interrogate Naruto but Naruto could hardly ask him one question in return. But maybe it was because it wasn't one question at all, it was something so much bigger than that, bigger than them even, to the point that Sasuke had no idea what he could begin to say. Words had always failed him when they really mattered, and it had been such a long time since he'd actually tried to find the right ones.

_ I'm sorry little brother  _

_ This is the last time  _

"Where would I go?" Sasuke forced out, swallowing back the rest.

"We know you have a new team." Naruto looked deeply uncomfortable at his own words. "You could have found them again."

"No," Sasuke said simply, hardly thinking before he spoke. But it was true. One of the few things he did know was that he had no desire to return to them. What kind of team could they be with no goal? What kind of leader could he be without drive or direction, without a mission of any kind? There was nothing holding them together anymore. 

"But you could have, you could–"

"Naruto." Sasuke waited until Naruto was looking at him again before he continued. "It wasn't the same."

_ It wasn't like team seven at all. _

"Oh." Naruto swallowed, expression going pinched before his eyes went far away. "Okay."

Before either of them could say another word the door to his room opened, a chunin Sasuke didn't recognize stepping inside. "The Hokage wants to see you Naruto."

"Granny?" Naruto shot Sasuke a quick look, panic that he was obviously trying to hide living behind his eyes. "I'll come back soon."

Sasuke watched Naruto walk over to the door, turning back to give him a quick smile over his shoulder before leaving. Sasuke looked back up at the ceiling, trying in vain to remember how to think about nothing at all. He shouldn't have been worried when nothing was supposed to matter to him anymore, and yet.

And yet.

Naruto had always managed to bring out the parts of Sasuke best kept hidden away.

****

Naruto knew Sasuke had to sense him standing outside of his room, but he couldn't bring himself to push open the door and go inside yet. Every word said between them since Sasuke had come back had been strained, and Naruto had no idea how they would begin to talk about this now. They weren't ready yet, everything between them still something weaker than fragile. It was just too soon. It was just too much.

Naruto didn't want to leave. He didn't want to leave and only return to find Sasuke gone again when he'd only just gotten him back. Naruto didn't feel like he could take another loss now. He didn't want to think about what would happen if he lost control of himself again.

The guards by Sasuke's door were staring at him, but it wasn't anything Naruto hadn't grown used to years before. Sighing he made himself step forward, finally pulling open the door to Sasuke's room and stepping inside. Then he looked at Sasuke's bed and stopped, for a moment all of his worries far away.

Sasuke was asleep. 

Naruto could only remember a handful of times he'd seen Sasuke sleep before all of this, always on a mission curled up between the trees in the dirt, curled around himself in the dark. It had never been like this, in a bed with no one else around. Sasuke's face was relaxed in sleep in a way Naruto had never seen while he was awake, and even in sleep it was a rarity. It almost felt wrong to wake him, but Naruto knew he couldn't leave without saying anything. 

Naruto refused to be the one who left without saying goodbye.

"Sasuke," Naruto said softly as he walked over, stopping next to his bed. "Hey, Sasuke."

Sasuke didn't move, he just kept breathing slowly with his mouth slightly parted, hair fanned out on the pillow beneath him. Naruto clenched his hands into fists at his sides. 

"Sasuke," he said louder, but there was still nothing. Sasuke slept on, completely oblivious. Slowly Naruto unclenched his hand, bringing it up until it was just above Sasuke's shoulder. Hardly breathing Naruto laid his hand against it, squeezing softly.

Instantly Sasuke's eyes shot open, his hand already wrapped around Naruto's wrist in a harsh grip. 

"Hey," Naruto said as he forced a smile onto his face, "It's just me."

Sasuke looked at him for a moment before the fight left his face, hand going slack around his wrist before it fell away all together. It took a moment for Naruto to remember to pull his own away, his palm cold and awkward feeling when he did.

"What?" Sasuke asked, his voice still rough with sleep. He brought a hand up to rub at his eyes, such a small human gesture that Naruto felt his smile come all on it's own, the joy of Sasuke actually being here again close to overwhelming for a moment.

Then he remembered.

"I have to leave," Naruto managed to say without cringing, feeling how awkward his expression was, battling against all his conflicting emotions, "There's a mission I apparently have to go on."

Sasuke looked at him for a moment more before sitting up in his bed, leaning back against the wall as he watched him. There were faint lines on the side of his face from where it had pressed into his pillow. "Okay."

"I shouldn't be gone that long. Maybe a week."

"Okay."

"Maybe even less than that depending on how everything goes."

"Okay," Sasuke said again, sounding just as indifferent as he had every other time. 

Naruto hadn't expected much of a reaction from Sasuke, but this lack of any at all felt worse than he'd imagined it would. Maybe Sasuke just didn't care anymore. He hadn't seemed to care about much of anything since he'd woken up, maybe now that Itachi was dead he didn't know how to anymore. Even just the thought made Naruto want to scream and cry at the same time, that the person who had been more driven than anyone didn't seem to have a single motivation left inside of him. Sasuke looked like he didn't care one way or another what happened now, to himself or to anyone else.

"So that's it then?" Naruto asked without meaning to, only realizing how harsh his voice sounded when he saw the subtle widening of Sasuke's eyes. 

"What do you want me to say?"

"Nothing," Naruto said as he looked down, ugly embarrassment curling against his stomach. This wasn't the time to bring any of this up, not right before he was about to leave. He was surprised Sasuke had bothered responding to him at all. "Forgot I said anything."

For a moment there was nothing.

"Naruto–"

"I'll see you when I get back." Naruto started to turn away when Sasuke reached out and grabbed his wrist, so much softer than he had upon waking. Naruto stopped like it was the strongest hold he'd felt in his life, hardly even able to make himself turn to face Sasuke again with the nerves suddenly drowning him. 

Sasuke just looked at him for a long heavy moment, with something behind his eyes that had been missing for so long Naruto couldn't bear to let himself name it now. His voice was steady and even. "I'll see you when you get back." 

Naruto was smiling before he realized, a small thing that he only ever felt like giving when he was looking at Sasuke now. Sasuke, who was saying he would still be here when Naruto got back, who apparently cared enough to stop him and make sure that he knew. Naruto felt understood in that strange quiet way that had only ever reached him with Sasuke, that he hadn't felt in so long he'd almost accepted that it had never been there at all. But it was, just like Sasuke.

Somehow he hadn't lost it all.

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Maybe for once they would both just get to be okay for a little while. 

*

Not even an hour after Naruto left Kakashi walked into his room, casual as always like it hadn't been years since they'd last spoken. "Hello Sasuke."

"Kakashi."

Kakashi walked over and stood by the wall at the end of his bed, leaning back against it. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." 

"That's good. You were close to dead when we found you."

Sasuke didn't bother responding, waiting for Kakashi to get to whatever point it was that he wanted to make, whatever reason that had finally brought him here to see him. Sakura had stopped by for a few mostly one sided conversations, and Naruto had been practically a permanent fixture in his room, but this was his first time seeing Kakashi. Sasuke found his eyes drifting to Kakashi's covered one, disgusted and amused at the same time. 

"Did you take that eye out yourself, or did someone give it to you?"

Kakashi's visible eye narrowed just slightly. "I was always surprised you never asked me about that before."

"I was a child. Now I know better."

"What do you think you know now Sasuke?" Kakashi asked, his tone exactly the same from when he had tried to get a read on Sasuke during training. 

Sasuke shook his head, turning to look at the closed blinds of his window. "You should be happy it's not really yours."

Kakashi made a low noise followed by nothing, and Sasuke found himself turning again. He found pity waiting for him and realized Kakashi still didn't understand a thing at all. 

"Itachi wanted my eyes for himself. Generations of my family have been killing each other over them."

_ I'm sorry little brother _

_ This is the last time _

"You should burn his body if you haven't already."

Sasuke looked down and saw his hands shaking ever so slightly and pulled them into fists, felt his throat start to burn and swallowed against it. Words Kakashi had said to him years ago were suddenly at the forefront of his mind and Sasuke felt a bitter smile pull the smallest bit across his face. Maybe his old teacher wasn't such a fool after all. 

Nothing had been fixed. Nothing had changed at all. 

"Sasuke." Kakashi waited for him to turn before he went on, his tone deceptively light. "Despite everything you've done the village is willing to take you back. But that's not what really matters."

Even knowing what the question would be Sasuke still wasn't ready when Kakashi asked. 

"Do you want to be back? Do you want to fight for the village again?"

No was the only words Sasuke could think for a moment, the only thing he could feel next to his overwhelming disdain for everything that had ever happened to him in this place. He hated this village. He hated everything that it stood for, everything that had happened inside its borders to bring them all to this moment in time. Just its very existence was an inescapable reminder of every awful thing that had ever happened to him. Sasuke hated it more than he could say.

Even if it all was just another lie, lies felt like the only thing he remembered how to tell himself anymore. Maybe he was just that tired. Maybe he was finally too tired to truly hate anything anymore.

_ You were there, I was watching you. _

"Yes," Sasuke said softly, meaning it completely and not at all, "I want to stay." 

If Sasuke could have had any confidence that he could read Kakashi anymore he would have almost thought he looked surprised. His eye curled up in what seemed to be a genuine smile. "I guess it's time for us to take a trip to the tower."

*

"That's not good enough Uchiha."

Sasuke fought to keep his expression even and suspected he'd failed. He'd known the new Hokage for all of five minutes and already found her to be one of the most infuriating people he'd met in his life. "It's the truth."

"But not all of it," Tsunade said, leaning back in her seat as she looked over at Kakashi. "What do you think?"

"I'm hardly an unbiased party."

Sasuke couldn't help but roll his eyes. Even in this Kakashi would rather evade than just say what he meant. 

But maybe that was exactly what Sasuke was doing too. What point was there now in holding anything back? He didn't have to hide his true intentions anymore, a feeling so unexpected it was a struggle to breathe around it for a moment. Sasuke couldn't remember the last time he'd wanted something that didn't feel like a sore on his gums, unable to stop prodding it with his tongue until his entire mouth was nothing but a duel ache. Naruto still made him ache, but it didn't hurt like it always had before, it just felt like a reminder that he was still there, that despite everything Sasuke had done Naruto had never turned away. 

"Naruto," Sasuke said quietly, all he could manage while not looking away from the Hokage, "I want to come back because of Naruto."

"Oh?" She raised an eyebrow and suddenly Sasuke felt the weight of her gaze that much more, understanding all at once why she was the new Hokage. "And what brought about this change of heart? You never seemed to care what Naruto wanted before."

"I didn't," Sasuke said plainly, knowing that he couldn't lie. "I was blind to everything but revenge."

"And now?"

"Now I'm still alive and Naruto…" Sasuke found himself lost, the idea of putting words to any of the emotions clawing against his chest next to impossible. How do you put to words unshakable knowledge that you'd done nothing but ignore for years? There was a strange relief in knowing that getting what he'd always wanted changed almost nothing, but strange relief wasn't a reason to stay. All of his reasons to stay weren't really reasons at all, just pieces of himself clinging to the one thing he had left. 

"I have no love for this village," Sasuke said slowly, not knowing what each word would be until they passed his lips but unable to hold them back now that he'd finally managed to start talking. "The older I get the more I find myself despising it, for so many different reasons."

"Explain to me how you think this is convincing me to let you stay."

"Because whatever I feel for this place, I feel the exact opposite for Naruto." Sasuke forced himself to keep his head up, to keep his hands loose at his sides even though all he wanted to do was dig his nails into his palms until he couldn't feel anything anymore. "I don't think orphan children will be forced to raise themselves once he becomes Hokage." 

"Once?" The only reaction she gave to his words was the slightest narrowing of her eyes. "So you're really standing there telling me you have an unshakable faith in Naruto now? That you want to stay and watch him become Hokage?"

"I'm saying that Naruto wants me here," Sasuke said, somehow managing to hold back  _ I promised him I would still be here when he got back. _

"This isn't about what Naruto wants," Kakashi cut in for the first time. "This is about you Sasuke."

Sasuke couldn't help himself and laughed, or let out a something that felt close enough to one. He turned to look at his old teacher, not even bothering to try and hold back the look on his face anymore. "No it's not, not really. We all know Naruto is the only reason I'm standing here at all."

Kakashi almost looked upset, if upset was a way ninja could ever let themselves look. "If this was really all because of Naruto don't you think he would at least be here right now?"

_ I'm not the one who sent him away. _

"We all know what he would say." Sasuke felt ridiculous but forced the words to come anyway, ignoring his burning face. "Naruto wants me here, and I know I have no right to ask for it now, but I want to be here for him." 

"Is that so?"

Sasuke forced himself to turn and look at the woman that would ultimately be deciding his future. She cared for Naruto, even Sasuke could see that from the short time they had spent together. She had to know that he was right, but she had also only known Naruto without him. To her Sasuke was someone always running away, always causing Naruto more pain time and time again, year after endless year. It was clear that she didn't like him at all and Sasuke couldn't even blame her for it. He didn't like himself very much either.

"I know what I've done, and I know what I'm asking." Sasuke felt his eyes begin to burn, clenching his hands at his sides as he focused on keeping his breath low and even. "Let me fix this. Let me try to make this right."

The Hokage looked at him for a long moment, her expression finally settling on a look of tired distaste. "Alright."

Sasuke knew there was no chance he held back the shock from his face. He had to bite his tongue to keep himself from asking Tsunade to repeat herself. 

"This isn't a final answer, but I'll argue for your pardon when the council meets to discuss it." She stood up and walked around her desk, stopping only when she was right in front of him. She looked straight into Sasuke's eyes, like she wasn't afraid of what that meant at all. "I'm rather fond of Naruto, it would be good for you to remember that." 

And then she was gone, walking out and leaving them alone in her office.

Kakashi made a vaguely pleased sound. "That went better than I expected."

Sasuke couldn't tell if he agreed. He wasn't sure how to feel about anything anymore. 

Had he really just begged to be let back into this cursed village, just for Naruto? Naruto?

_ You were there, I was watching you. _

Maybe Sasuke was an even bigger fool than he'd always thought.

**** 

"Just sleep," Naruto mumbled to himself, roughly rubbing a hand across his eyes. Sleep had always come easily to him during training before, exhaustion more often than not pulling him under before he had time to even consciously decide to do so. But this was the second night in a row that it had refused to come, even though he was tired down to his bones. He just couldn't sleep. 

He just couldn't seem to stop thinking.

Naruto had never given much thought to what life would finally be like once Sasuke came back, but in the few fleeting moments he'd indulged in the thought Naruto had never imagined he would feel this way. Maybe it was because hardly any time had passed before he had to leave again, or maybe it was just the fact that each moment that passed it was more impossible for him to ignore who wasn't there with him. 

The news had been crushing in a way Naruto couldn't describe, could hardly begin to make sense of at all. He thought of Jariyah now and understood Sasuke in a way he never had before, in a way he desperately wished he could go back to not knowing. 

Naruto knew life wouldn't stop for him, it never had before, but for once he wished he could have just a moment. If he'd had even just a week more with Sasuke it was easy to pretend the knot in his stomach wouldn't be quite so unavoidable, but he suspected it would still be just the same. Even when Naruto was still home every minute spent away from him had felt like a mistake, a needless risk when anything could happen to Sasuke when he wasn't there and able to do something about it. 

If they hadn't brought him to this island to train, Naruto knew that he would have already sent a clone back to check on Sasuke.

Signing Naruto turned onto his side, settling in for another long night. It didn't matter how tired he was, he couldn't give up on this, on training or believing that when he got back to the village everyone would be fine, that Sasuke would be waiting for him just like he said he would be. He couldn't think about what would happen to him if he wasn't. 

Maybe it would really never be enough. Maybe he would always want to see Sasuke just one more time.

****

Sasuke wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, a different feeling on the air maybe, a break in the never ending pull inside of him, but of course it was all the same. The buildings looked slightly more worn down maybe, but besides that nothing looked like it had really changed at all. Everything was exactly the same.

Maybe nothing he did could ever really matter. Maybe all there could ever be was this. 

Hardly conscious of it Sasuke started walking forward, stopping at a house that he distantly remembered had belonged to one of his cousins. The first slam of his first against the wood sent a dull shock of pain up his arm that seemed to wake him up, and the next was all him, and the one after that. Sasuke threw himself into it until the wood collapsed before his hands, what had been the front deck now nothing but a pile of broken wood. Sasuke had sat on this very deck as a child, him and Itachi both, sharing an afternoon snack from his aunt. 

Sasuke fell to his knees in the dirt and broken wood and cried, not sure if he was asking for recognition or forgiveness, not sure which one he wanted, which one he deserved.

*

It took Sasuke longer than it should have for him to realize that the screams on the air weren't in his own mind, that the burning smell was more than just his memories refusing to leave him again. Pushing himself up Sasuke turned to look out the window of his temporary room, breath coming up short when he saw the smoke on the air. He hardly remembered to pull on a pair of shoes before he jumped out his window, taking in everything happening all at once. 

Villagers were running last him in tears, and there was the sound of fighting in multiple directions, but no chakra felt as powerful as the one coming from his right. There was a little girl on the road before him who couldn't have been more than ten, clutching her dying mother to her chest. 

Sasuke turned to the right and ran, past people he hadn't seen in years bleeding out and dying, past broken down buildings he'd forgotten were there to begin with, never once stopping. Then he turned the corner and saw the crater that had once been part of the village, his breath coming up short. Panic crushed him before he remembered that Naruto couldn't be there. 

"Sasuke!"

Turning Sasuke saw Sakura kneeled over on the ground healing someone. No, not just someone at all, it was Kakashi. Hardly feeling the steps it took Sasuke closed the distance between them, only able to bring himself to meet her eyes for a moment before he turned away again, taking in the ruin all around. The sound of his heartbeat was loud like it hadn't been in so long. "What happened?"

"Pain," Sakura gasped, obviously exhausted. "He's with this Akatsuki, but it's not just–wait Sasuke don't!"

Sasuke turned his walk into a run, going until he couldn't hear Sakura at all anymore and jumping down into the newly formed crater. There was a group of people that weren't people at all looking back at him, all with the same cloaks and the same eyes. 

"Sasuke Uchiha," the man towards the back said, "It seems I should have had you dealt with earlier."

Sasuke didn't say a word in return, instead sending a wave of fire towards them as he jumped into the air, hands already finished with his next set of seals. Sasuke could feel just how strong the split apart person before him was and knew just how weak he still felt, but this was all there was for him to do. He couldn't stand by and watch this happen.

He couldn't let Naruto come home only to find that he'd lost everyone.

****

It took Naruto a moment to realize where he was, that the blown out crater of dirt he stood in was Kanoha at all. Grief crushed him like it rarely had before, so intense it was a struggle to stand against it for a moment. The worry came soon after and Naruto spun around, pleading with anything out there that he would be able to find everyone, that they were all still okay. Granny was off to the side, obviously hurt but still alive with Sakura kneeled down next to her. The sound of fighting pulled his eyes away then, and Naruto didn't know how he'd missed it up until now. 

Sasuke was at the other side of the crater, facing down one of the cloaked figures. He was still here, fighting for a village. Naruto hadn't been too late.

He was half a moment from running over when one of the men addressed him.

"I know that look," he said in a deadpan voice, "Sage, Jirayah was your teacher too, wasn't he?"

"Too?" Naruto was helpless but to repeat back, rage bubbling up inside of him once the thought connected.

"He was mine once, in another life."

Naruto attacked before the man finished speaking, somehow managing to keep the anger screaming to be let out inside of him. In a blur of motion he took out two of them in quick succession, trying to work his way over to where Sasuke was still fighting. Their eyes met across the battlefield and Naruto saw the moment Sasuke realized what it meant, his face going pinched for a moment. This wasn't the reunion Naruto had wanted for them, he'd wanted to be able to smile and show off his new Jutsu, not this. It was never supposed to be like this.

Between one moment and the next Sasuke was gone, Naruto's breath torn from his chest when his eyes found Sasuke on the ground, unmoving. Naruto waited, every part of him screaming out for Sasuke to move, even just the smallest bit but he didn't, he just laid in his unnaturally bent position against the dirt. 

No.  _ No.  _

Naruto quickly made a few more clones, sending one to grab Sasuke and another one to defend him as he did. He watched himself take Sasuke away from the battlefield and felt no relief. He watched himself take Sasuke away and felt nothing but dread for the memories there waiting for him.

****

Even as he could feel the life draining out of him Sasuke couldn't help but smile. It was almost funny after all. He'd been so ready to die a matter of days ago and now all he wanted was to be able to stay, even just the smallest bit longer. 

"Don't let–" Sasuke tried to speak but a wet cough came over him, the taste of blood flooding his mouth. Everything looked just a bit darker than it had the moment before. 

"Don't talk," Sakura snapped, her eyes wide and desperate. She'd hardly felt like she had any chakra left when Sasuke had first been laid out before her, he couldn't understand how she was healing him now. 

She looked as terrified as he'd ever seen anyone.

"Sorry," he said quietly once his breathing was back under control, hoping that she knew, hoping that it was enough. It wasn't, he knew that it wasn't but it was all he could manage now, suddenly too tired to even hold his eyes open anymore. 

Sasuke didn't know how much time had passed when he pulled his eyes back open again, for a moment not even sure why he had. But then he felt the hands holding his face, hands that he knew, that he'd felt hold him this way before. His vision cleared and for a moment there was nothing but blue, brighter than the clearest sky, the only shade of the color Sasuke had ever wanted to see. 

"Naruto." It hurt to speak but Sasuke couldn't let himself be silent anymore. This was it after all. They were finally at the last time.

"You're okay," Naruto said in a rush, speaking to him now and in the past and always, "You'll be okay."

He wouldn't, Sasuke knew there wasn't anything either of them could do about that now. It shouldn't have been as hard for him to accept as it was. It was what his family did after all, he was just later than all the rest.

"Hey." One of Naruto's hands slid back into Sasuke's hair, still smiling though he was on the edge of tears. "Stay with me, you can't leave now, not now."

Sasuke felt his eyes begin to burn and knew there was no hope of hiding it now, so one by one he just let his tears fall, exposed and too tired to be afraid anymore. There was no hope of him telling Naruto now, not when he still didn't know what to call it himself, but Sasuke knew he couldn't leave it like this. No one understood what this moment meant better than he did. No one understood just how much Naruto would look back on this moment after he was gone than Sasuke.

At least they were together. At least for once they hadn't done this to each other.

Naruto was somehow still smiling, like even now he was glad that Sasuke was there. Both of their eyes were wet, and all Sasuke could think of was wishing he still had the strength to lift up his arm and brush the tears away. It was just another thing he would never be able to do now.

"Naruto," Sasuke said, somehow managing not to choke on the blood clinging to his throat, "I'm…" 

"Tell me later," Naruto said quietly, his eyes darting away for a moment when there was another loud scream, the sound finally forcing the smile from his face.

Sasuke hated it.

Naruto looked so unavoidably desperate that Sasuke ached all over, willing the wounds from his body, his old rage back and filling him up over being such a failure that even now he still wasn't strong enough to have just won. But maybe that had never been the point. There was still a splinter stuck in the palm of his hand, and Sasuke couldn't escape just how little all the violence he'd committed had ever really mattered. It wasn't moments of pain he was clinging to now that his vision was slowly going dark, it wasn't violence of any kind. 

Realizing he'd wasted his life in what were likely his last moments of it wasn't the worst thing Sasuke had ever felt, but it was nowhere near the best. It really had been too much for him to hope for just one more chance to make it right.

"Naruto," he started again, forcing himself to continue even when each word felt like it tore what little strength he had left away, "I've been–I never realized. I should have realized."

"Don't talk." Naruto had the worst expression he could make on his face, the one Sasuke could never seem to scrub out of his mind. "Just rest. You just need to rest."

"Please smile," Sasuke said softly, hardly even aware that he had, only knowing that he wished Naruto would. Even in all the years he'd been gone, in those few moments he'd forgotten himself enough to let Naruto slip back into his mind, Sasuke had always pictured him smiling. He'd hardly said the words before Naruto was, even though it looked strained and painful he was still smiling, just because Sasuke had asked him to.

Sasuke willed himself not to blink, to just live in this moment for as long as he could with what little time he had left.

Naruto's voice was shaky with tears. "I should be the one telling you that."

Sasuke shook his head as he coughed again, hands and feet gone completely numb with his vision growing darker by the moment. He wanted to tell Naruto that he would, that when all of this was over Sasuke would turn to him with a smile on his face each morning, safe and alone where no one could see it but him. But he couldn't lie now, no matter how desperately he wanted to.

It hit Sasuke all at once just what a fool he'd been, in a way he'd never truly considered before now. 

Maybe in another life he'd gotten it right. Maybe he'd stayed and realized it all with Naruto right there beside him, felt it not as a painful glimmer of everything they could have had but a slow realization of all the things they could be together. It was easy to pretend he wouldn't have been alone in it. It was easy to pretend so many things when Sasuke knew this is all it would ever be now. Suddenly all he could think of was just telling Naruto everything, from all the pointless little things Sasuke never bothered to tell anyone to the biggest things he never even told himself. But he was just so tired now. 

Naruto's hands were still holding him up and it was almost too easy to relax into his hold, Sasuke letting his eyes finally fall shut again. Naruto might have said his name then, he might have said so much more than that, but Sasuke was too tired to know if he'd really heard it or not.

****

Naruto looked down to see his hand encased in red just as his clone's memories came over him.

_ Please smile _

Naruto rushed forward without seeing a thing, the world a wash of red as his hand slammed against Pain's face, following after as his body flew across the air and crashed into the dirt. His firsts crashed into him again and again but Naruto could hardly feel it. He could hardly feel a thing at all.

It felt like he was burning up all over, each breath he took coming louder than the one before. The fox was whispering in his ear, words Naruto had heard so many times before but had never called out to him the way they did now, like they were really what he wanted for the first time. He did want to destroy them, crush them, take them apart until there was nothing left. This man who would take  _ everything  _ from him and say it was for peace, who would crush both sides of his heart and act like it was his duty to do so. 

Naruto stood inside himself, looking at the gate before willing it away, opening himself up to anything and everything, only knowing that the grief and rage that were always inside of him were too big for him to fight against anymore, real in a way they'd never been before.

_ I never realized _

In the crater Naruto screamed, darkness pulling over his eyes as a fourth tail crashed to the ground behind him as the smell of burnt flesh filled the air. And then for a long while there was nothing but heat and pain, unimaginable grief that clung to everything that was left of what he was. He wasn't even himself, he was just the ache, an open wound that refused to heal, pulling him open over and over again until he'd tainted everything that was left, until it was all that he was.

It took a moment for Naruto to realize what was happening when he was suddenly whole and himself again, standing in front of a man who looked achingly familiar, like a strange echo of his own reflection looking back at him. Then Naruto really looked and he couldn't breathe at all. 

Somehow his heart already knew.

"Naruto," his father said around a smile, "My son."

Naruto could only smile back.

****

Sasuke felt whole and warm, like every bit of harm done to his body had been washed away. He fully expected to open his eyes and see the hospital ceiling, but it was the blue sky that looked back at him, and when he shifted he realized it was dirt still beneath his back. Sasuke sat up and looked around and saw so many others doing the same, like they were all suddenly whole and fine too. Sasuke didn't understand a single thing that had happened, but he wasn't going to question it now. Quickly he stood up and reached out with every sense that he had, searching until he found him and then breaking off into a run. 

He turned a corner and suddenly Naruto was there, strong and tall and alive. His back was towards him, talking urgently to a few people Sasuke vaguely recognized but Sasuke didn't stop. He was almost to him when Naruto started to turn, a look of such beautiful relief coming over his face that Sasuke lost whatever will he'd had to hold back anymore. How could he now when Naruto never had before?

Naruto had just barely turned to face him fully when Sasuke reached him, taking another step forward until they flush against each other and wrapping his arms around him. Sasuke turned his face against Naruto's neck as he grasped the back of his cloak in his hands, feeling Naruto go tense for a moment before he relaxed all over. One of his hands came to rest low on Sasuke's back as the other moved to the back of his head, curling around the back of his neck and squeezing softly. For a long moment after neither of them moved, just breathing against each other as Sasuke's knuckles slowly started to ache from how tightly he held on.

"I told you we'd be fine," Naruto said quietly against the side of his head, his voice thick with emotion that only made Sasuke want to press against him all the more.

Sasuke pulled back just enough to look at Naruto's face, breath catching in his chest at the smile looking back at him. He couldn't recall a time anything had ever looked better, a time when he'd felt anything close to the blinding emotion all but pouring out of him now. Sasuke realized he was smiling then without any conscious effort to do so, and that he was doing it just because he wanted to, just because Naruto was smiling back at him. 

There was too much he wanted to say, or maybe too little, maybe it was really just one thing pressed up against the back of his throat, begging to be said. But Sasuke didn't know how to say it anymore. He'd never imagined feeling it this way at all.

The hand Naruto had on his neck moved to his face and pinched his cheek, Sasuke immediately slapping it away with an offended noise, ignoring the burn he could feel across his face. "Moron," he snapped, "What are you doing?"

Naruto looked ridiculously pleased with himself. "Fixing your face."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sasuke jerked until Naruto dropped his arm from his back, taking a step away as he glared down at their feet.

"You had a stupid look on it, and I know how much you–hey!"

Sasuke pulled his hand back from where he had flicked Naruto's nose. "There, now you have a stupid look on yours. Everything's back to normal."

Naruto put on looking offended for a moment more before he was smiling again, eyes going soft. When he spoke his voice was so quiet the wind ate up his words almost as soon as he'd said them. "I'm really happy you're here Sasuke."

Just like all the other times when it really mattered Sasuke couldn't say a word, nodding as he tried in vain to blink away the burning from his eyes. He wished he hadn't stepped back, that Naruto was still wrapped around him, too close for Sasuke to feel any doubt at all. Another moment between them that was over too soon, slipping him by before he was ready to let it go. But maybe it didn't have to be this time. Naruto was still so very close to him after all, looking at him like no one else ever had, like Naruto could see every hidden corner of who Sasuke was and found nothing to turn away from.

"Naruto," he started just as another voice called out behind them, louder than his own and drowning it out. Sasuke turned and saw Sakura and Kakashi walking towards them, unprepared for the relief the sight of them both alive brought him. 

Naruto broke away from him and ran over and Sasuke could only watch the sight, unable to find an ounce of bitterness inside of him. Seeing Naruto this happy wasn't something he'd ever thought he would see again. Sasuke hoped that he never got used to it, that everytime he saw it he had to stop and appreciate it for the gift that it was. If the world had been anything close to a fair place Naruto would be that happy all the time.

Glancing back at him for a moment Naruto's smile changed, a nameless shift that made Sasuke's chest go tight with the realization that Naruto only ever looked that way for him. 

Maybe the world really didn't have that much to do with it at all.

"Sasuke," said a voice from beside him and Sasuke turned to see Shikamaru standing next to him, Shino and the Hyuga girl that he was struggling to remember the name of not too far behind.

Sasuke nodded, finding that despite everything that had changed for him he still had very little desire to talk to any of them. 

"I didn't think I would be saying this, but I'm glad you're back."

Sasuke glanced away and saw Naruto talking excitedly with Kakashi, a young boy standing next to him now who was looking up at Naruto like he couldn't believe that he was real. "Yeah," Sasuke said after a moment, unable to hold back the emotion from his voice, "I guess I am too."

****

Sasuke was being weird. Sasuke was being weird and nervous and the longer it went on the more Naruto could feel his own weirdness and nerves start to take him over. He hardly made it into his second bowl of ramen before he couldn't deal with it anymore, turning to look at Sasuke sitting beside him, still only halfway into his first. "Just say it."

Sasuke's eyes darted up to Naruto before looking away again, that put on bored expression falling over his face so quickly anyone else would have thought it had been there from the start. "As usual, I have no idea what you're talking about." 

"You're just–" but now that he was actually moments away from saying the words out loud Naruto realized just how impossible they were to say. 

Sasuke looked at him again when didn't continue, his expression softening just slightly. "What?"

The words that had been eating Naruto up inside for weeks finally came falling out. "You're thinking about leaving again, aren't you?"

Sasuke's eyes widen slightly, but beyond that he gave no reaction, turning his face away again soon after so most of his expression was hidden behind his dark hair. "Why would you think that?"

Naruto shrugged even though Sasuke wouldn't see it. "It just seems like you're always trying to work yourself up to telling me something."

Sasuke's shoulders tensed for a moment, finally seeming to give up on pretending to still be eating and moved his hands to his lap. "I guess I can't blame you for thinking that."

"You could tell me I'm wrong," Naruto said around an uneven laugh, trying to push down the panic so ready to leap up inside of him again like it had never left at all.

For a long moment Sasuke said nothing, Naruto left only to wonder in silence as he took in a hard line of Sasuke's back. When he finally turned to face him again there was more emotion in his expression than Naruto was prepared for. Sasuke hadn't looked anything close to this affect since all those weeks ago, when he'd smiled at Naruto for the first time in years. Sasuke wasn't smiling now but Naruto still felt just as caught as he had back then, suddenly so nervous he wasn't sure what to do with the feeling.

"I don't want to leave."

Letting out a shaking breath Naruto felt an uneven smile pull across his face, nerves still battling away inside of him but quieter than they had been before. Whatever Sasuke needed to say couldn't be that bad. Naruto knew that as long as they were both here together the worst thing wasn't possible anymore, and that he would do just about anything to make sure that it could never happen again. 

But Sasuke still didn't look at ease. If anything he looked even more nervous than he had before.

"So just tell me," Naruto said as he turned on his stool, his knee brushing against Sasuke's thigh, "I can tell you're more worried than you need to be, whatever it is."

"But you don't even know what I want to say."

Naruto just shrugged again. "I'm not worried." 

His words made Sasuke frown for a moment before he looked down, his hands twisted up together in his lap. Without thinking much about it Naruto reached out, holding onto Sasuke's wrist and rubbing it back and worth with his thumb. "I'm really not. Even if it's something awful, even if you're about to tell me the worst thing you've ever done, it's okay."

Sasuke let out a short breath, not quite a laugh but something close to it, disbelief coloring it's edges. "You're ridiculous."

"I know, you tell me all the time." 

Sasuke glanced back over to him, some of that worry finally washed away from his eyes. Naruto let go of his wrist, moving to pull his hand back to his side when Sasuke reached out, holding Naruto's wrist for a moment before sliding his hand down even further, pressing their palms together as he intertwined their fingers. When Naruto's eyes darted back up to his face Sasuke was looking down at their hands, the softest bit of color just touching his cheeks. 

"Sasuke?" Naruto said softly, heart racing like ocean waves crashing against his ribs. 

"Do I really have to say it?" Sasuke's voice was so soft it was close to getting eaten up by the quiet sounds of evening all around them, the few people still walking by the ramen stand that was now empty of all customers but them. Sasuke turned just enough so their eyes could meet each other, the vulnerability waiting for him there close to too much. "Haven't you realized yet?"

Naruto felt like maybe he had, but his trembling nerves just couldn't let him say those words. His voice came out small and unsure like it hadn't been in years, half his mind still stuck on the fact that Sasuke was holding his hand at all. "I've always been slow so maybe–maybe you should just say it.

"You're not slow." Sasuke lifted his head as he turned on his stool, their knees now pressed together with their hands still held between them. Naruto suddenly felt more exposed than he ever had before, like Sasuke could see every hidden corner of himself that he'd spent his whole life trying to hide. "You knew before I had any hope of seeing it at all."

Before Naruto could think of a response Sasuke started to lean in and slowly closed the distance between them, his eyes drifting shut when they were close enough for Naruto feel him exhale along his mouth. Even knowing it was about to happen Naruto still felt run through the moment their lips touched, emotions bigger than his chest had room for filling him up inside. For a moment it was like nothing else existed in the world besides Sasuke's warm, slightly chapped lips, the feeling of his hand squeezing Naruto's and exposing how much this moment was affecting him too.

When Sasuke pulled back Naruto couldn't help himself and followed after him, not ready for the moment to be over yet.

"I told you," Sasuke said softly when they finally parted, his voice thick with an emotion Naruto had never dared to let himself wish for.

There were too many ways he could say it, so many countless words that would only get twisted up and misspoken as they came out of him so Naruto just leaned back in instead, deciding then and their that he loved nothing else in the world quite as much as the feeling of Sasuke trying to kiss him through a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> this is one of those fics that i’ve had sitting around for months like 95% finished and today i woke up and finally knew how I wanted to end it lmao i’m a bit of a sap but so are they soooo


End file.
